WHAT BLISS

 Season's greetings! 

*Please forgive the grammatical errors.

 Let's just get into it.

As you know I'm a Protestant. I oppose the papacy. That said, on occasion I do agree with the papacy on matters of marriage and virtue.

I only wanted to be married once. One time. I got married late in life. I was 33 years old. I only married when I knew I could be fully devoted to my marriage. We were married for almost ten years. Our, my ex-husband and I, our mistake was that we didn't talk about what we wanted out of marriage before we got married because I foolishly assumed all humans had the same knowing and understanding of what marriage is in the biblical sense. Not so. Live and learn, my friends. My ex-husband lacked marital virtue. This fact wasn't exposed to me until we had been married for about four years. For the remaining six years of our near ten-year marriage, I suffered miserably but I stayed the course as my Christian and Catholic friends and family advised. "For better or worse" the vow says. "Until death do you part" the vow says. Welp, that last vow almost came true sooner than later. Thus we divorced. 

My marriage legally ended in 2012. It officially ended January 2014. I have been single ever since. As much as being married again and growing old(er) with someone greatly appeals to me I am also satisfied being solo for I am never truly alone. 

The internet is riddled with "my bad relationship" reels. If you're not married and there are no children, fine, walk away, move on, live your lives. But if you are married and there are children what faith cannot save the legal system can sort out. 

I was recently confronted online by a few folks who did not like my suggestion of seeking advice and counseling from a spiritual advisor before getting married. I'm still uncertain what it is they didn't like that I suggested counseling before marriage or that I threw in the words "spiritual advisor". Point being a spiritual advisor will ask you flat out, "Why do you want to get married? What do you expect out marriage? What does marriage mean to you?" And in all honesty if you are unable to answer these questions or find these questions offensive, your marriage is doomed to fail.  

Catholics preach chastity before marriage. I don't disagree with it. But the Catholic church tends to be medieval with chastity as they also don't like it when folks tend to their own needs solo. I think tending to your own needs solo is an excellent idea. It's much better than promiscuity. I highly promote dating without sex. Take it from this old gal sex is 100% communication. If you can't communicate before marriage and you get married anyway sex will be the least of your worries. My ex-husband and I both wanted to get divorced, and it still took two years in and out of court before our divorce was granted and finalized. Being chaste until marriage is better for society. It's absolutely better for your health. The number one reason to be married is for love. Marriage is the ultimate act of love and devotion. If you are unable to love and be devoted to your partner without sex, then marriage is not for you. Finding a partner, any partner, may prove challenging also. My dad married his first wife out of obligation. Terrible. He got her pregnant. There was no love on his end. Terrible reason to be married. He should have just paid child support for one child and let the court sort out the details and move on with their lives. Alas, his Mormon upbringing hindered him from doing the right thing in my opinion because then it caused all this other trauma to happen: (click link) BLOG: INTRODUCTION   

Love is the number one reason to be married. Once love has been declared and established then all the other details must be discussed and (in my opinion) these discussions are best done in counseling with a spiritual advisor, a third party not blinded by love. 2025 is upon us. This isn't 1950. Example: is liking a woman's sexy photo who is not your wife a form of cheating? These are subjects you need to hammer out before you get married. 

If your bride to be says, "Liking her photos upsets me." And you reply with, "You're just jealous and insecure" then guess what you're the one with the problem not your bride to be. You're the one who is failing communication 101. 

When I was in my 20's I was not ready to be married or in a serious relationship. I had emotional issues that needed to be worked out. I grew up in an unstable home with parents who did not love or respect each other, or their children. That's why it took me until I was 33 years old to commit to marriage. I'm surprised I was ever ready. Unfortunately, I married the next man who came along, who I fell in love with, and who proposed without fully discussing what we wanted and expected out of marriage. Big mistake. We both knew we didn't want children. We both knew we wanted to save money and retire early to travel as much as we could while we were still young and healthy. That's great and all but we never discussed other details like money. Example: Are you keeping your separate bank accounts and then open a shared bank account for the house and hypothetical children. Because that's a conversation that definitely needs to be discussed and agreed upon before you get married. Churches just assume people will abide by what the church declares marriage to be. That's why I 100% support people going into counseling with a spiritual advisor before getting married. The divorce rate in this country (America) is horrible. I'm part of it. Had my ex-husband and I gone to counseling before marriage we never would have gotten married. It would have saved us both time. Six out of ten years is a long time to be unhappy. 

The other night I heard the car theft duo (click link: CAR THEFT DUO ) yelling it out in the parking lot. 

She screamed, "You're leaving me, right?!"

He screamed back, "You're leaving me, right?!"

She screamed, "You're leaving me, right?!"

He again screamed back, "You're leaving me, right?!"

And then they yelled something else at each other out of earshot. 

Relationship troubles everywhere. 

Also, it's not always his fault. Sometimes he's being him. You're being you. Maybe no one is intentionally trying to hurt the other person. And had you both gone to marriage counseling before getting married you would have learned this about one another before the rose-colored glasses fell off. Because again, a third party to council you before marriage will not be blinded by your love. There's a difference between communication breakdown v. straight up narcissism. 

Also

Relying on AI or any search engine to recite passages in the Bible is unwise. If you want to know what the Bible said read the Bible. If you want to know what any book said read the book. I recently heard my favorite Biblical quote shortened down to, "With knowledge comes great sorrow" and I wondered if the listeners received the impact of those words. 

For in much wisdom is much grief; and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.

--Ecclesiastes 1:18 

I'm sure you've heard the sayings, "She's an old soul" or how about "Ignorance is bliss." What that person is really saying is, "He that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow."

Maybe she's not "sad". Maybe she just knows better. 

I worry what messages the modern shorthand version of the Bible preaches. So long as it doesn't turn into: 

"The woman saith unto him, Bro, I perceive that thou art a prophet, dig." --That dude John 4:19

Oh dear. 

Give us the love to be of one mind and to serve one another in Christ. God bless you.