A FRIEND

Good morning. Well... I had an interesting night. 

*Please forgive the grammatical errors. 

In my last blog: MORE THAN JUST EAGLES I mentioned my longtime friend Sheldon who died May 2023. That was a strange time for me. An emotional rollercoaster because my brothers' mom who was very abusive towards me as a little girl also died a week before Sheldon. You can read about her in my intro blog here: GREETINGS! AN INTRODUCTION 

Sheldon and I became friends back in 1992. He was a good guy but carried a lot of baggage and he was 16 years older than me an entirely different generation. Still, we had enough in common, our sense of humor, shared hobbies, thus we had a lot of fun and laughs together. Ten years later in 2002 I met my husband, and we married a year later in 2003. That's when things between Sheldon and I changed drastically as relationships among friends tend to do when someone gets married especially opposite sex friends. A mutual friend told me Sheldon was very hurt by my getting married but what should I have done stayed single forever just for him? Sheldon resented me completely for getting married. I was his best gal-pal. His girl-Friday. And then one day I wasn't.

I was married for almost ten years. During that time Sheldon met another woman he fashioned as his next bestie gal-pal but she was more interested in Sheldon's money, material goods, and whatever she could get out of him. I don't think this woman ever laughed a day in her life. I think between the two of them Sheldon and this woman had a "beggers can't be chosers" mentality and stuck out their friendship. He didn't want to be lonely. Miss Money wanted his money. In 2012 my husband and I separated for good, got divorced, and Sheldon and I resumed our bestie gal-pal relationship, but Miss Money was not having it. It got to the point where Sheldon allowed Miss Money to interfere with our friendship time after time and I had to back away again in 2015 for good. Sheldon and I were still friends, but Miss Money was not going to be denied Sheldon's cash. She deemed me as a threat not understanding what real love and friendship is. EXAMPLE: Real friends drop off soup, cold medicine, and kleenex after their ten-hour shift at work when their besties are sick. I did that for Sheldon. Miss Money yelled at him for not paying attention to her problems with her parents who she still lived with at the age of 45. Men are adults. If Sheldon would rather have chaos and a gold digger than unconditional love and friendship, that was entirely his choice. I backed off. This didn't sit well with Sheldon at all and like most men he thought fights and chaos meant love. If I wasn't willing to fight and have chaos with him like Miss Money did, then that must mean I didn't love him and Miss Money did. Look, what can you do. 

From 2015-2020 my friendship with Sheldon was severely fractured. He would try making me jealous with Miss Money by taking her to trips to Hawaii, etc., and would ask me to watch his cat while he was gone. I loved the kitty so much it was no problem regardless of the circumstance. Plus, Sheldon had it in his Will that I would have his kitty in the event of his death. Miss Money could have his money. I wanted the cat. Add to that, I much rather be with a sweet cat I loved than have a bad vacation in Hawaii with my friend while he was glued to his cell phone fighting with Miss Money.

In 2017 I left for Las Vegas. I had to make a change for me which of course once again did not sit well with Sheldon. Too bad, fella. I cannot live just for you.

In 2020 when Covid hit Sheldon seemed to have done some deep soul searching. He missed our friendship he said and wanted things to go back the way they were before I was married. He said in the 17 years he and Miss Money were besties she never once laughed with him. She never had fun. Not one time. Yeah, I said, because she's just waiting for you to die to see what she'll get. There. I said it. I don't regret it. Sheldon convinced me to come back to Los Angeles. I know he was afraid if he got sick with Covid no one would care for him. I told him no because I didn't want to live with him and be stuck in the middle of daily drama between him and Miss Money. He said if I came back, he would pay for my airbnb he just wanted me close to him. Reluctantly I agreed. Regret. Regret. Regret. My fault. When I got to Los Angeles I put myself up in a hotel and started looking at airbnbs. That's when Sheldon informed me that he was going to give Miss Money the rental money he was going to give me and that I now had to move in with him. Miss Money lives with her parents. She was a 40-something year old woman who lived with her parents. My rent in Las Vegas at the time was $600 a month. I left that because Sheldon said he would pay for my airbnb if I agreed to come back but then changed plans because of Miss Money, and that was the final straw. He called me once after that day to yell at me, but he got himself so worked up he hung up on me. He screamed at me that no one loved him. Which wasn't true. I loved him. I took care of him after his heart surgery even with a full-time job. I took care of him when he was sick. We were besties. I loved him. 

In 2021 I had a stroke. Sheldon never knew.

Around March 2022 with the help of a friend I went to Sheldon's house to pick up a few items, nothing big, that were left in his closet. Sheldon wanted the items out of his closet. I asked Sheldon to leave it out in the hallway, I didn't want any contact "because of Covid" which he obliged. I didn't knock on his door. I just took my stuff and left. After that day we never spoke again. 

May 2023, I received a message from a mutual friend that Sheldon died. He apparently went into the hospital to have his legs drained of fluid and died while in the hospital. I didn't attend the funeral. I couldn't. Aside from the fact I wasn't invited, I was in Vegas and my brothers mom had died a week prior. 

Shortly after Sheldon's death an attorney contacted me and said because he didn't see me at Sheldon's funeral, I should know I had been written out of the Will and Sheldon's cat would be going someplace else which broke my heart. The attorney mailed me the old Will but not the new one. Not a very bright attorney if you ask me. Sheldon had originally Willed me the cat who I loved and cared for and a little money to come get the cat and set kitty up with kitty stuff.   

I never said goodbye to my dear friend officially. A week or so after learning of Sheldon's death I was out for a walk and a hummingbird flew right up to my face, fluttered in front of my face for a minute and then flew away.  

Now in California I've been having this nagging feeling of finally saying goodbye to my dear friend. I tried looking up online where Sheldon was interred but couldn't find it. I searched and searched then finally I went to Sheldon's old FB page and found his niece and wrote her. I only know her through conversations with Sheldon. The niece and I chat back and forth for about an hour, and I learned she had been written out of Sheldon's Will as had all of Sheldon's friends. Only two older relatives and Miss Money split Sheldon's estate and assets worth millions. Miss Money getting the bulk of it. She finally got her prize.

Sheldon was close with three neighbors. One died. The other I call Miss Hair & Nails because her fingernails are extremely long, and she still has 1980's big bleach blonde hair (in her 80's!) and a fella I know well because I took care of him when he had his aneurism. His name is Andy. He, like me, has a special place in his heart for tuxedo cats which he names Sylvester after the cartoon cat. Every cat Andy has ever had has been a tuxie named Sylvester. Last time I saw Andy he was on his third Sylvester. He probably has one now. The niece asked me to check up on Andy since he relied so heavily on Sheldon, and she doesn't know him other than by name and meeting him at Sheldon's funeral. I told the niece that Sheldon didn't want me having contact with Andy anymore when he and I were on the outs, so I backed off. I have not seen Andy since 2020. The niece suggested I just go to the old building anyway and ring Andy. I could always get Andy's unit number off the mailbox code and write Andy if he's not there. 

The niece and I had a long chat. It was nice. It stirred up a lot of old feelings. I really loved Sheldon. We had a wonderful 10-year friendship before I got married, before Miss Money entered the picture. Perhaps Andy, if he's still alive, would like to go to Mt Sinai with me. Sheldon was his primary social friend which is why the niece suggested I just go ring his door and see what happens. 

Life is twists and turns. I really want to say goodbye to Sheldon. Every time I go back to the old neighborhoods, the old stomping grounds, I'm usually quite disappointed. People move on. People change. Buildings get torn down. New buildings get built. What once was is long lost. Still, for many many years I truly loved that building Sheldon lived in mostly because he lived in it. I remember going to Gelson's one night to pick up wine before heading to Sheldon's and some guy was on his hands and knees in the parking lot with his cell phone flashlight searching the ground. He lost his contact he said. So myself and like three other people gathered around him with our cell phone flashlights on our hands and knees on the ground searching for this guy's contact. After about ten minutes we found it. He was a sweet guy. Thanked everyone for stopping to help him search. I got up not realizing my hands and knees were stained with tar until I got to Sheldon's house. It took days for the tar to finally wash off. "I was helping a guy look for his contact." was a funny excuse if you knew me in my twenties.

I guess we'll see what happens. It would be nice to see Andy. What's left of the old gang even Miss Hair & Nails. What a whakadoo that woman was. Maybe she mellowed out by now. She would be in her mid to late 80's now. Sheldon was the baby of that group. 

Have a blessed day everyone! Thanks for the chat J. 

Therefor it shall be, when the Lord thy God hath given thee rest for all thine enemies round about, in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee for an inheritance to possess it, that thou shalt blot out the remembrance of Amalek from under Heaven; thou shalt not forget it.

--Deuteronomy 25:19