MORE THAN JUST EAGLES

Good morning.

Please forgive the grammatical errors.

Absolute heartache, folks. Seems one of the eaglets belonging to bald eagles Jackie and Shadow in Big Bear (California) has died sometime in the night during the last snowstorm. Heart wrenching. It is uncommon the experts say for mama bald eagles to lay three eggs and have all of them hatch. It's difficult for bald eagles to safely nestle all three chicks consistently in their brood patch, a small patch on her underside that is used to keep chicks warm. Papa Shadow has one too. Mother nature can sometimes be cruel for us human observers. No one can say with any degree of certainty what happened to the third chick at this point. All we have are what we saw on camera: There was a terrible snowstorm. Mama Jackie was buried in snow several times. She is a good mama feeding and nestling all her chicks. Then in the morning one chick was not seen on camera all day/night. Some say they later saw one chick lifeless on the side of the "nest bowl" but who knows for certain what they saw. Like many others I too scanned the nighttime footage over and over on the night the chick went missing and no, mama did not accidentally fling her chick out of the nest (she would have gone after it immediately and retrieved it if she had) and no, bald eagles do not have that kind of malice to step on their chicks. Birds are very tender and loving with their young. More tender and loving than my mother was! As I mentioned earlier, I believe, because of what we saw on camera and nothing else, one chick simply could not get the warmth it needed in such a terrible snowstorm and died. Mama Jackie and papa Shadow are such good parents. I've watched them now for two winters loving and caring for their eggs, chicks, and each other. It's sad that one chick is most likely dead but there are still two beautiful chicks that are alive and seemingly well and thriving. Go Big Bear bald eagle family! 

As much as I want to minister in the community, the truth of the matter is I don't see a reason to put the energy into it. Genuine love and kindness in people are not the norm nowadays. There's so much weeding out. Too much. It's like dating after the age 50. Near impossible. We're no longer 'Young Turks' (as Rod Stewart sings) who are naive and eager to mate up with someone and change the world. At 50 years of age, we've got war wounds and severe baggage from those wars. We are all pining for a lost love. Women just want to live in peace and men want chaos and drama. It's too much. Ministry is the same thing. People do not want to invest in other people as just people and nothing more. Men want something upfront, a collateral, and women just aren't having that kind of "this for that" attitude. For women it's all or nothing. Ministry is the same way. I much rather write and spend time with animals than fight everyone in person to seek their inner peace and calm. Meh. What can you do. Go with what's easy at my age.

There are men I would love to settle down with but for whatever reason, perhaps early onset dementia, all these men want to do is attack me. Attack what I love. Attack my faith. Attack my interests and hobbies. It gives them a sense of joy. By trying to be controlling they lose the person they want to control. How does that even make sense, fellas. It doesn't. At my age I don't want much just peace and quiet. Fighting does not mean someone cares about you. Fighting and drama is what happens when a person has not yet overcome the chaos of their childhood and past traumatic relationships. If that person does not care to better themselves, they will live in drama and chaos until the day they die... alone. 

UPDATE on the eagles. The third eaglet's feathers seem to finally appear in the winter nest bowl confirming a lifeless chick. It was a miracle and a longshot for three eaglets to be born at the same time to begin with but we're nonetheless grateful to these eagles. They give Americans something wonderful to emotionally invest in. Bald eagles are our mascots and because of the current nightmare in our White House these eagles represent for us a hopeful future. Let's watch the remaining two eaglets grow big and strong!

I would LOVE to work with animals. No humans. Just animals. Go back to being that Gen X'er in the woods coming out only for supplies and out of pure curiosity to see if an asteroid hasn't turned everyone into zombies not that I'd notice the difference these days to be honest.

UPDATE on the eagles: Papa Shadow removed the dead chick from the nest setting it aside, and Mama Jackie later flew off with the dead chick to a place unknown. God speed baby chick. It's so easy to humanize these eagles when you're invested like I am, when you need to stay hopeful for our country at a time when there's seemingly no hope. It makes me happy there are people invested in these eagles as I am. It makes us feel connected and loved in this horrible political climate filled with so much animosity and divide. Can't we all agree seeing our country's mascots and their chicks survive and thrive in terrible storms is the symbolism we Americans need now.

I really miss my friend Sheldon. He died a few years ago and I really miss him. We were dear close friends since 1992 until 2020 when high emotions regarding Covid tore our friendship apart and then he died a couple years later. Almost 30 years we were closer and happier than two people could be. We parted ways for a few years when I got married but we continued to call and text each other. I never loved anyone like I loved him and now he's gone. We were both stray cats. Misfits. Outcasts. We were perfect. And then something like Covid tore our friendship apart. Never saw it coming. He's the only person who shared my sensitivities. I would give anything in the world to crack open a bottle of red wine with him and snuggle on the sofa in front of his fireplace like we often did every winter. I've been thinking about him a lot.

Being back in California is where I need to be. It's home. It breaks my heart that dear friends have died but they're still alive here in California for me anyway. I may never find anyone to laugh and love like I did with Sheldon and my friends who have since died but that's okay. Like that saying goes: "Young people look ahead. Old people look behind."

Back to writing my book. God bless. 

*Logged onto the FOBBV cam just in time to see baby eaglet point its butt right at the camera and take an epic birdie white poop shot at it in black in white. Too funny.