Happy new year!
*Please forgive the grammatical errors
Another year older and wiser. 56 years on the 7th.
Just an old dog learning new tricks.
My generation, Gen X'ers, were never taught relationship values. We were taught absolutely nothing from our parents. The Bible taught us more than our own parents. Everything I know regarding relationships I had to teach myself. Trial and error and error and error. Dr Ali Fenwick a behavioral specialist wrote a book called Red Flags, Green Flags modern psychology and I think every female Gen X'er needs to read it. Dr Fenwick taught me how to spot men who have zero relationship values. Also, on a separate matter I defend and care for helpless stray cats in part because I had an abusive mom-figure in my childhood home. (click the link) AN INTRODUCTION and I now have a need to care for God's pure and innocent. I was 55 years old when I learned about relationship values. If a man you know doesn't return your phone calls or texts, he has zero relationship values. That goes for any man. He could be a platonic friend, a family member, an employer, someone you're dating, or someone you're married to. If he is nonresponsive, it's because he has zero relationship values. That's on him not you. If he tries to pin one woman against another to gain obedience it's because he has zero relationship values (and he knows nothing about women). Such a man does not value any relationship, not friendship, not family, not any female anywhere much like our 47th president. Such a man will always be alone, feel sorry for himself, and blame others for his woes. He will never self-assess. He will never be self-aware. He will always be his own worst enemy and blame his loneliness on everyone else. Relationships are 100% about values. A man with values is a good man. Never let him go. A man with no values can just be alone for the rest of his life. Entirely his choice.
Moving on.
Yesterday feeding the black cat clan I call the Montgomery's it seems there are more black cats than just the three. It seems there are four and I am no longer certain which one is my little kitty. It seems ma Montgomery had more than one kitty in her litter. No matter. They are all beautiful. Yesterday I spied another kitty, a lone grey tabby, skittishly drinking from the puddle one of the morning sprinklers leave behind every day. Soon that puddle will be gone when the temperature hits over 110 degrees F. Poor thing. The Montgomery clan will be fine. It's the lone kitty my heart aches for. The world is too big and mean for a sweet little kitty to alone in. Poor thing. I pray God please watch over your sweet innocent kitty cats.
I'm currently sitting at my little writing desk next to the sliding glass doors to my modest private deck watching the sunrise. The world seems normal at this hour. Calm. Full of goodness and possibilities. But then the sun rises higher over the mountains and world goes mad. Heartless. Soulless. So much so they voted the worst man in the country to be our president. How can anyone minister a country gone mad back to sanity. And now tweets and social media posts are pouring in on how stupid people feel that they voted for a man who lied about lowering food costs, lied about making his supposed Christian beliefs a priority, and lied about his stance on mass deportation and immigration to appease his wealthy backers. We all tried to warn you, but no you insisted on voting for a man convicted of 34 felonies. The next four years are going to be absolute insanity. If North Korea and Russia invaded the U.S. after February America will lose. We absolutely will lose that war because of our inept leader. If you voted for that man every bad thing that happens to you/us now is a result of it. Actions have consequences. When you raise a hand against just one of God's children, you will suffer the consequences maybe not right away, but God settles every score.
And he went up from thence unto Beth-el: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.
And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord. And there came forth two she-bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.
-- 2 Kings 2:23, 24
FAFO.
It is not man's place to seek revenge. Trust in God's authority on vengeance for he is swift or timely methodical in His justice, and we innocent may just become collateral damage like those in the great flood. I'm not one to preach the end is near but with this upcoming reelected imbecilic president he could trip over one of his hired prostitute's ankle monitors and accidentally start WWIII. Typically speaking one does not want to make enemies with peaceful countries that boarder your own but... welp, leave it up to the man who thinks Isis be an immigrant housekeeper employed at Mar-a-Lago and watch him try to cut her wages at the same time he makes enemies out of Mexico and Canada, our friends and allies... until this president.
(sigh)
Patience. Patience. This is the year I better myself by having more patience. But the man is an imbecile, Lord.
(sigh)
Anyway.
It is once again early morning.
The birds are chirping. The air is crisp. It is a glorious morning. How unfortunate when people cannot appreciate it. God gives you these beautiful mornings to start your day feeling blessed. It is a perfect time to correct the errors of your ways. People will forgive you if you are sincere in your desire to change for the better. Do better than the day before and the day before that.
Hey, did I mention (film) NOSFERATU. It is so good. I have to say quite possibly the most ominous thing I have ever heard in a horror film came from NOSFERATU and that is when Count Orlok drinks blood from his victim's chest. Deep loud bloody drinks. Such an ominous sound. This film is so good. See it in the theater!
January 4
Three days until 56. It's not a big deal really. 60 might be something though I doubt it. I had a chat with my oldest brother the other day. He text me about my nephew. Seems my nephew type 1 diabetic like my dad. Poor kid.
First time my brother and I talked in months and months. We're not terribly close anymore. We were close when we were teenagers but not since. I left home at 19. Traveled. Lived many lives. My brother chose to stay home and be a slave to his mother. He and I grew apart.
Our parents were not good parents. My dad was off with his mistress in their home with their kids. My brother's mom was a trainwreck of a human being who knew nothing of the world or people, nor did she care to learn about or be a part of. My dad just got sick and tired of her and abandoned the home to start over with another woman in their house not that I blame him. I dreaded going home at night too. I was so thankful when I got older. Even more thankful when I also got to leave.
At my age I feel it's my duty to be a "grandma" to these young gals and voice my experience on matters like "I think he's cheating on me."
Two words - relationship values. He either has them or he does not.
Sees other women while dating you = no relationship values.
Calls you "bruh" = no relationship values.
Dismisses your traditional wants and desires in the relationship = no relationship values.
Hangs up on you = no relationship values.
Does not return your phone call or text messages = no relationship values.
Takes phone calls and texts from other women when you're with him = no relationship values.
The 30-year-old man with no relationship values is just sad. He will become the 70-year-old man, never married, with no relationship values and die alone as he clearly must want because the choice is 100% his.
January 5
I made it official last week. I am now a Nevada resident. I will always love California. It was my home from 1989-2024. 35 years. But as per usual with all good things it came to an end. My divorce in 2012, then Covid followed by stroke(s), I just couldn't financially recover but I'm grateful for what I have. I can retire here like all the little old ladies before me. And speaking of little old ladies, I'm at that age where I'm blowing my nose constantly. I go through so much tissue every day I need to invest in handkerchiefs. Pretty elegant handkerchiefs like my beloved grandma Louise had.
My stroke left me feeling like I'm 80 even if I look 40. Uneducated selfish people always say, "But you look 40 how can you feel 80." Well, kids, when part of your brain dies you have to relearn everything starting from when you were ten months old. It's all so very exhausting. I'm so tired. I have about eight good hours a day.
I'm still looking for proper work. Meaning working within and for my age range. Meaning work that doesn't make the rich richer. I refuse to die making the rich richer. I'm done helping others be wealthy especially those who don't deem it necessary to care for their workers with medical benefits, maternity leave, paid sick days and holidays, or even pay for their lunches.
As I wrote December 31 Tuesday morning:
The Jewish Center returned my phone call yesterday but because I'm legally blind (20/200 vision and don't drive) I do not apply for the community companionship program. You're not assigned the same person each week. There's no relationship with anyone. ((Like, what? Why not? What do they have against building trusting relationships with people?)) This center is poorly run I'm sorry to say. Again, that's a personnel problem, not a problem with the center itself. They offered me a teaching assistant's position but again you're not in the same classroom every week. You go wherever they need you that day within a ten miles radius if your location. It's all completely random. If all I wanted was to just be a warm body I'd go back working in places where I made other people rich. It's been a frustrating day. And, sorry not sorry, if I, a senior myself, can be on my own legally blind then why can't I assist older seniors or is my independent living beneath the independent living of others? I see elderly people 70+ on public transit all the time with their groceries and pets. If the seniors in this program require handicap rides to run errands the state of Nevada provides it with Medicaid for them and their caregivers. But again, it seems the way the personnel at this center runs things minister only warm bodies and not actual human connections. So frustrating. And then to make matters worse, someone from the center called me and left a message for Mathew. Apparently, my voice on my voicemail sounds like a Mathew. The Jewish center worker was calling to cancel Mathew's 9am appointment because she said she was sick. She didn't sound sick. She could have at least faked a stuffy nose. Amateur.
I want that 1:1 connection with people. I want them to know they can trust and rely on me and that I'm here for them for as long as I am alive. It's so important that people know their companions are there for them and not just a robot for a few hours. It benefits me too. I get to have that 1:1 relationship with someone other than a boyfriend. I don't have a close family. It's something I long for. My platonic male friends told me long ago the best way to get a family after 40 is to marry into one. Seems a little deceptive when there are so many people in the world seeking companionship.
Too many lonely people in the world. We need to do better.
Give me a willing and alert heart to hear and ponder thy word. Amen.
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