STOIC SENSE AND SENSIBILITY

Good evening.

*Please forgive the grammatical errors.

Unpopular opinion: How come no one bats an eye about little 5 and 6 year old girls given baby dolls and strollers to play with. I find it disturbing that grooming girls to make babies start as early as 5 and 6 years old. Give girls athletic/creative tools - art, music, dance, sports, etc. Stop giving 5 and 6 year old girls toy babies to take care of. Gross.

I cut my hair. This is a bad windswept picture of it. When you let your natural hair color grow out, at 56, looking like a mad scientist one way or another is inevitable.

I've been writing my book - as ever. I'm not liking the process this time around but you know what they say, trust the process. Usually I write in thick blocks of script as in big fat chapters at a time. Sometimes I can write for days on end. This time around however I've got notes all over the freaking place - on my laptop, on my phone, and on paper. Trust the process, I guess.

I want to talk to you about values. No, not religious or puritan values, I'm talking about what values you opt to prioritize your life with, and in talking about values seeing how misguided values might be the reason for all the "Karens" & "Chads" of the world. Still with me? Good. EXAMPLE: A neighbor parks in your designated parking spot. You respond by telling the neighbor to stop doing this. 1) The neighbor says fine and stops parking in your spot. Or 2) The neighbor blows you off and keeps parking in your spot anyway. If 1, can you leave it alone now and mark this problem solved or do you still need to be mad about it because he didn't apologize for parking in your spot. And if 2, do you do something that will result in a positive affect OR do you keep the hostility alive with negative behavior back at the neighbor. Ask yourself, what is the value of your life choices in these scenarios. I think people need to take a moment to evaluate the value of their lives. What is your life worth? 

I actually told someone recently to CALM DOWN. Because, you know, that always works. Ha.   

Being perpetually mad and hurt are never valuable life choices. Never. You choose to be mad and hurt. You choose what emotions are valuable to you. If the common denominator to one failed relationship after another failed relationship is you - it's 💯 your choice to value your failures OR find a healthier more productive way to live.

American Midwesterners raised in the 70's and 80's like I was, AKA the Gen X generation, were raised to be "chill" in other words stoic. The seven principles of stoicism for those of you too lazy to Google it, are:

1. Patience 

2. Reason

3. Justice

4. Courage

5. Resourcefulness 

6. Creativity

7. Humility

Unacceptable behavior in stoicism are:

1. Anger/yelling

2. Poor choices/repeated 

3. Complaining (this is especially annoying to me)

4. Ignorance

5. Laziness

(Etc.)

Complainers & whiners are THE WORST.

EXAMPLE: "Excuse me (store employee) do you by chance happen to know where the essential oils are?" If the store employee responds with, "No, sorry." Then the answer was no. You asked a question. They answered. Move on. Getting pissed off and angry (for two years!) about an employee not knowing where the essential oil is, is unproductive. The goal is finding essential oil. That's why I walked into the store. Getting mad at someone doesn't get the essential oil any quicker, dig. That's stoicism - using reason and rational instead of raw emotions. How important is the oil. Do you need it right now. Can you go someplace else. Can you order it through Amazon. Finding solutions instead of creating more problems, is stoicism. 

The reason why there are so many "Karens" and "Chads" in the world is because these people choose to be angry, lazy, and ignorant. Laziness being the number one reason for anger. The misogynists of the world blame women for their own failures in society. Their mentality is, "My failures are your fault. I wouldn't fail if you made me better" And to that I say, SUCK IT. For stoics it's just poor logic to blame someone else for your failures. Misogynists proudly displaying their ignorance is something I will never understand. When all the women men complain about are content without them, those men are the problem, not the women. The women are fine. It's the men who are angry. Misogyny = laziness and failure.

When I was a kid, my brothers' mom was the mentally ill person of the neighborhood. All she knew how to do was yell, scream, cry, and blame everyone else but herself for her misery. Only, why was she so miserable? She had a roof over her head she didn't have to pay for, she had clothes on her back she didn't have to pay for, she had the run of a house she didn't have to pay for anything, she didn't have to work, my brothers and I raised ourselves, she literally had every day to do whatever the heck she wanted to do - and of all the things she could have done, she chose to wallow in misery and anger every single day of her life until the day she died. Crazy. I don't get it. 

Here is a stoic lesson to all young people, in 2025 sex is the last item on your to-do list. My generation (Gen X) spent millions of dollars to perfect self gratification. You're welcome! Boomers who chose not to advance into the modern world, F them. F them to the hill and back. Too bad, buddy. Snooze you lose! Learning electronics is not hard. They even have FREE adult enrichment classes to teach you how to use a computer FOR FREE. If you still choose not to learn, then F you to the hill and back. Your problem.

Remember the principles of Stoicism, number 5, be resourceful. Get what you need when you need it. Failure to do so is wanting to fail. Why would you ever want to fail? If your only goal in life is sex, you're going to be a miserable monster to be around. Loneliness of your own self making.

When someone says they're "chill" what they're really saying is - they're stoic. They value reason and sensibility over emotional hysteria. 

I grew up in a German community. Once upon a time my home state (Minnesota) was dominantly German. Germans value intellect,  philosophy, and creativity, or at least these Germans did. I wish I could be silly and laugh all day about everything and absolutely nothing, be blind to the world and all it's BS and cruelty but, and I make no apologies for it, I have always been too studious to be a silly girl or woman.

Like the Good book says,

For in much wisdom is much grief; and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.

-- Ecclesiastes 1:18

I'm going back to school. Taking language courses. Brushing up on my German, and learning sign language ASL. I know the alphabet and some words and sentences in ASL. When I was a kid a babysat a little boy named Ryan whose parents are deaf but Ryan was hearing. Every time he signed to his parents he would speak out loud at the same time. I don't know if this was a reflex or what, but what little experience I do have with ASL it seems most people who are hearing, talk out loud while they sign. I pick up on some things pretty quickly and learned the ASL alphabet and some sentences within days and it just stuck with me all through the years. I also want to learn conversational Japanese because I do plan on going there regardless for work or pleasure. While most immersive English is taught online, I'm hoping to go overseas to teach it. 

All I know is, as an older working adult, my options are slim. All the work boards say people over 50 should work for themselves. Well, dang. Teaching seems reasonable. I'll give it a go! 

God bless us all, and good night. 

SHARE YOUR KNOWLEDGE

Good afternoon.

Please forgive the grammatical errors. I started this blog last month. I've been busy looking at classes, exploring work options, working on my physical strength, enjoying summer... and as always being tested by God.  

Summertime in the desert means baby ants and other critters are on the hunt for food and water. There's ants in our bathroom and since my bedroom is directly next door a few wander in. I got an essential oil diffuser with peppermint oil, hoping it will encourage the ants to go elsewhere without having to kill them. Supposedly ants don't like the smell of peppermint, luckily I do. We'll see if it works. 

I've been sick for the past 7 to 8 days. It started with a sore throat. Then it went into my head with congestion, sore throat and sneezing. 7 days later I still have a ton of sneezing, light coughing, and a ton of congestion. Just took a Benadryl. I should be in bye-bye sleepy land aaany minute now.

The ants have disappeared but then waterbugs (big ones!) have recently been showing up. I rent a room in a house. Across the hall is another renter, a male in his late 20's or early 30's - he's black and could be in his 40's or 50's for all I know. I share a bathroom with him and he is the dirtiest person next my ex-husband I've ever had to share a bathroom with. FILTHY toilet and sink hygiene and lately the bathroom reeks of (well, it smells like) a combination of vinegar, rotting meat, and thirty years of B.O. I learned from the homeowner this guy's brother pays his rent. What little interaction I've had with this guy, the renter, the few times we crossed paths in the hallway he seems like a regular guy yet it's his brother that pays his rent. Curious. No idea what the back story is there. Although the other morning (in French) the brother came over and had a very loud fight with the renter at like 7:30 or 8am. What little the brother did say in English I got the impression he didn't want to pay the renter's rent anymore. It's around $1,100 a month and he didn't want to pay the renter's mailbox anymore most likely at a UPS store. If memory serves correctly a UPS mailbox is around $120 every three months. Whenever I'm home for the day the renter across the hall has the same routine: He wakes up around 4am when I wake up if I have to be somewhere, and if I'm home I hear him banging around in his room and bathroom until 3pm, I smell pot smoke during that time, and then by 4pm he seems to go back to sleep until 4am the next morning. When I have things to do, I leave the house around 7am. I get home between 7pm and 10pm and the renter is always here. Maybe he works remotely but if he works then why is his brother paying his rent. Maybe he doesn't have a credit card or bank account, but then how does he get paid? Paypal? But then why is his brother paying his rent. He's a young abled guy. Finding work should be easy for him. 

Back to the horrible bathroom hygiene, my ex-husband who's Swedish had god-awful bathroom hygiene also. Then again, he was a messy person all the way around. Same with this renter. I can't imagine what his bedroom looks and smells like if the bathroom is any indication. I imagine this is why his brother pays his rent for him to live elsewhere instead of with him. The homeowner has been away on holiday for the past 12 days and during this time is when the rotting meat smell in the bathroom showed up (and a rotting meat smell in laundry room) and it's when the bugs started showing up. The whole upstairs smells like B.O. and rotting meat. He leaves piles of little curly hair in the drain, on the floor, on the counter, and just yesterday there were smears of clear white/clear thick liquid across the 2 sink mirror and all over the portable shower head. Grossssss!! I told the homeowner I think he's doing it because she's gone but maybe he'll stop when she comes home. The homeowner said she won't renew his rent when his brother tries to extend the room. I mean, I feel bad for the guy. He could be mentally ill although he didn't appear to be mentally ill when we bumped into each other in the hallway. Then again, most people don't know I had a stroke when they meet me. They don't know how hard I struggle to maintain my motor skills especially while out in public. They don't know how hard it is for me to walk straight and move without looking like a marionette puppet. Maybe this guy suffers the same problems but psychologically instead of physically. Who knows. Still, I don't know how much more I can suffer sharing a bathroom with this guy. Cleaning up after him reminds me of being married. Not a good flashback, my friends. I had to Amazon a large box of rubber gloves & 3 large canisters of clorox bleach wipes. His brother keeps renewing this guy's rent literally hours before he's suppose to move out, like he's doing it reluctantly. For me, this renter is a test from God. Testing my patience. 

My dearly departed friend Sheldon was also a messy man but he had the good sense of a Billy-goat to hire a cleaning lady. Additionally when we lived together Sheldon and I had separate bathrooms thank goodness.  

Why are men so filthy especially in the bathroom? It's not "masculine" to have poor hygiene. It's bad health. It's also really terrible of anyone to assume other people will clean up after you when you're a fully functioning adult. Keep your domiciles clean, fellas. Use that toilet scrub brush with toilet cleaner! It's not aesthetics, it's about having good health. If you work long hours HIRE SOMEONE to clean your house! Ridiculous that grown men have to be told to keep their bathrooms clean. I'm so exhausted by men. Exhausted! This is why women choose the bear. Bears are smart enough to not bring their filthy bathroom habits back to the den. I'm not a fan of cleaning a cat box but at least a cat's poo is in one designated box. Cats are cleaner than men.

Moving on.

I've been trying to up my leg strength this summer. After my stroke my legs were rendered useless for a lengthy time. The doctors told me after a stroke you have three months to get as much mobility back as possible, after that what you have for motor skills is what you'll have for the rest of your life with no improvement. Even after all the hard work I put in during those three months, I still lost around 35% of my leg use. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to be able to walk again but that 35% loss still puts me out of commission for so much of my life, especially work life. A friend my age just survived a heart attack. He survived thank God, but it's scary when things like this happen. We're considered too young still to be surviving these kinds of medical emergencies. Only those who survive the same medical emergencies truly understand what you're going through. Thankfully he has a loving supportive wife who will care for him but not all of us are so lucky. I literally had no one helping me get back on my feet after my stroke. And the men I did know lacked the maturity to help me. I used to think I picked the wrong men to have in my life when really... is there such a thing as having the "right men" in your life? Not to sound all 'Sex in the City' but I'm exhausted cleaning up after men. I'm exhausted trying to communicate with men on an adult level. I just let men ramble now. We're all going to be dead within twenty years. Why fuss now. Pick your battles. Perhaps that's why my grandma vibes are kicking in strong. I'm knitting blankets and hats with cute little patches for the kids for this winter donation. It's all about the kids this winter. 

And speaking of grandmas,  maybe that's why grandmas Louise never remarried when geandpa died, she was tired, exhausted, once was enough. I like to think grandma only ever wanted my grandpa or no one, but after being married for almost ten years myself I'm a cynic. 

Writing has been very difficult for me lately. After my stroke I have these spells where I have to work really hard to get my motor skills working even at 20%. On the days I feel good I push my physical limits with walking and just being a physically "normal" person in society. I'm dead to the world the next day or two but because it's now summer (100+ degrees every day) I can't go for my daily walks unless I tale the train to cooler weather. I push myself to make up for the days I can't get out. And before you say, "Move to where it's more livable" I live where it's more financially livable. I can go into the city where it's at least 10-15 degrees cooler to run my errands and get exercise but no way can I afford to live there anymore. $1,100 a month to live in the desert is $3,000 a month in the city.

The homeowner where I lived came home from her holiday in Canada and told the brother she would not extend his brother's stay. The brother didn't even ask why. He simply said he understood and tried to explain that his brother behaves the way he does because their mom spoiled him hand and foot until the day she kicked him out of the house at 30 years of age. Problem is, she did nothing to prepare him for the world. He never had to clean up after himself, or do his own laundry, or have a job, or pay bills, or even have a bank account. He has a beat up car he paid cash for but doesn't have a driver's license. His brother pays his rent, phone, and groceries, etc. He's going to be their dependent for the rest of his life. Why didn't his mother teach him to do anything? It's a mystery. The homeowner loudly swore in her native Tagalog the entire time cleaning his room. 

Anyway...

As for school, my dad went back to school when he retired from his office in his late 50's. And while he had his pensions and plenty of money saved to live off of, plus his wife was still working, he also went back to school to learn a new trade, a few new trades actually. He went to culinary school, took wine courses, and took computer courses. He knew more about computers than I did. I've been looking into computer coding/programming, or getting teaching credits to teach English. Goodness knows we're an electronic society like it or not. And at my age with this broken body, being (something like) a plumber and housekeeper is out of the question. The only thing that works on this broken body is my brain - most days.

I feel bad for the kids today. I really do. Sure, the 70's and 80's had their fair share of junk but nothing, and I mean nothing like kids have today. School shootings, military militias, ICE, and a president who wants them to starve and have no medical insurance whatsoever. Whatever we can do for the kids, that's what we need to do right now - food pantries, toys, winter knits, blankets, seasonal clothing, athletic gear, computers, whatever we had as children that we took for granted because it just came to us without asking, these kids NEED and its our duty to provide.

I absolutely love this clip: Share your talents. Share your gifts from God. Don't take your knowledge and skills to the grave without sharing them. 

It's all about the kids now. Trump's administration could not care less about children. They just could not care less. I don't know why this administration hates America and Americans so much but they do. And who are the fools who voted for him?! Those hateful voters surrendered their medical insurance and social security just so they could be openly racist. Was it worth it? Fools.

Whatever you can donate for America's children please do so. 

America 2025, scares off our nation's bird the bald eagle with nonsense fireworks to celebrate... what exactly? No health insurance, starving children, and Nazi military militias yanking innocent people off the streets. Wow. Happy 4th of July. (I guess.)

I cannot wait for all the nightmares of this administration to end. 

I'm being tested. We're all being tested. Just keeping fighting the good fights. Praise God. Amen.