WE ALL BECOME MEMORIES

And there was a war in Heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels.

And prevailed not; neither was their place found anymore in Heaven.

And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world; he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.

--- Revelations 12:7,8,9

It is war. We are at war. Man chose war and the rest of us must decide to either fight and die or just die.

"What about fight and live."

I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die.

--John11:25

We are born thus we die. We are born from sin. Filled with sin. Consumed by sin. And for that we must die. God our maker commands it. No battle cry is "LIVE!" It's always "DEATH!" May your children and your children's children right the sins of their mothers and fathers. There was only one woman deemed worthy to give birth to God's son after man failed Him. No man was deemed worthy to father His child. Only God himself could father His only son. The narcissism of men resents God to this day for being told man was not good enough to father God's son and for their narcissism only the meek shall inherit the earth.

But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.

-- Palms 37:11   

We are at war. 

Pick your battles but decide your place in war. 

And with that...

  

Hey, good evening! 

2025, Christians are being tested, ladies and gentlemen. 

Christians are being tested.

*Please forgive the grammatical errors. I write passionately and I'm a horrible editor. 

Protestants are getting attacked from all sides by those who serve evil. And like our good Catholic priests on the internet are preaching, "Hell itself cannot be made desirable therefor evil must make the path to Hell desirable."

Christians close to me have faced servants of evil this past week myself included. For the first time ever that I can recall I finger pointed out three of God's fallen people to God so that He may do unto them what needs to be done in order to save their souls. I will pray for them. 

In the aftermath of the Los Angeles fires businesses in LA are taking this opportunity to price gouge Angelenos knowing full well what they have in storage may be all they have left in this world. My storage unit among them. They suddenly raised my monthly storage unit by $70. My storage unit is actually an old utility closet. There isn't even a light switch in there. It was rented to me (literally a closet) for $89 a month. Now it's suddenly $163 a month. I protest. C'mon. A closet. They threatened that if I did not pay their rent increase they would put out a lien, an actual lien, on my storage closet. Welp, our relationship is over. I guess 2024 was too peaceful they needed to create drama. Bless their hearts. They actually sent me a threatening email that said they have an open check (as in bank check) giving them the right to charge my account any time they want. I'm almost certain they don't but what nice people, eh. Are they truly wondering why Los Angeles burned down? Hellfire and Brimstone, baby.  

Now for problem #2. There's this guy with a leaf blower. (Here we go!) That's his job, leaf blower. I rank leaf blower right up there with seven-year-old newspaper delivery boy something third graders do. I watched the leaf blower intently yesterday. Watched and recorded. I should also mention we are in the desert. Literally not one leaf on the ground. This leaf blower comes around and just blows his leaf blower in front of units to wreck their front yard furniture and anything that's in their front yards including harassing pets and wildlife. A long-time tenant made a post on all the mailboxes regarding a class action lawsuit-thingy being (or has been filed) against the landlord being a slumlord and is petitioning for more names to be put on that class action lawsuit. The man responsible for the lawsuit is an older white man I mentioned earlier who walks the property grounds constantly talking to tenants he runs into about the class action lawsuit. Yesterday the leaf blower was running his blower for over an hour and I watched and recorded him walking up to front doors of every unit blowing his leaf blower directly at tenant's plants and furniture. He saw me recording him and he walked right up to me in my yard and made a threatening gesture at me with his leaf blower. You wish buddy! Ain't no one here interested in your "leaf blower". I only rent a room in this unit BUT this guy made threatening gestures at me and so he has chosen war against me. It's on like Donkey Kong. The wars men start and for what. I grew up in a very, very hostile childhood home. No one has yet out crazied my brothers mom and he chose war against a Christian and an ordained minister. Well, alrighty then. Then I got to wondering if this leaf blower might be mentally ill or "challenged" as the PC kids say. That said, he does drive. I realize there are many mentally ill people behind the wheel in every state every day but for a grown man to be a leaf blower the only reason for it (if he's not retarded) is because he's an illegal and/or he's the hired gun of this slumlord to harass tenants. He's a Star Trek danger mission red shirt. Additionally, I suggest he might be retarded, handicapped, mentally ill (take your pick) because no grown man is an occupational leaf blower for one, and when he walked into my yard and swung his leaf blower at me for recording him he acted like he was just blowing a piece of paper away from my feet only he blew the paper a mere two feet away further still into my yard. Then he turned around and left. I don't live alone. I have two housemates. One sleeps during the day. He works graveyard shift. He's an excellent tenant but slumlords don't care about their tenants or the money I guess. This leaf blower just makes noise for at least one hour two to three times a week. Personally, I think he's retarded. He blows trash from the left to the right, from the right to the left, back and forth. Ever notice white men, and women, are never leaf blowers. I'll continue to record the leaf blower and give the footages to the old man with the lawsuit. I only record the leaf blower because he made threatening motions at me. I'm cool with going to court over a stalking and assault and battery case. I also don't think this leaf blower is legal because he was unable to speak English but that's not my monkey or my circus. If they continue to have Spanish options at the DMV then the DMV can deal with the outcome. To be continued. 

Regarding this slumlord...

I only rent a room. My lease is a month to month, week to week, day to day whatever, it's an airbnb off arbnb room rental. I don't have any stake in the slumlord lawsuit, but these tenants definitely have a case for sure. The infrastructure of each block of units are literally crumbling apart. Walls are falling down. There's bird poop everywhere which is mentioned in the lawsuit. I don't know if this slumlord is also the landlord but his solution to the bird poop is to trim the trees as much as possible, not scrub the bird poop. Also, this is Vegas, the homeless population is off the chain, as we said in the 80's. Human defecation, trash tossing, water hydrants being cracked open with water spilling everywhere (talk about no water when this town catches fire) and car break-ins are everywhere, and this slumlord only cares about the feral cats. Clearly part of the leaf blower's instructions is to scare the feral cats. Scaring away feral cats with a leaf blower is like scaring away a homeless man with a leaf blower is like scaring away trash from the left to the right, from the right to the left. Clearly the only reason for the leaf blower is to make noise... which by law is harassment. Also, in the state of Nevada, as I recently learned from three different animal control agencies, cats are legally considered free-roaming animals. Cat ladies unite! Fist pump. A person can be taken to court for animal abuse if the try "ridding" feral cats and I have y'all on video-o-o.

Look, Las Vegas isn't perfect. The best we can do is just mind our business. I feed the cats. I am a stray cat. I AM A STRAY CAT. I've been a stray cat since my divorce beginning in 2012. I was a lone stray cat before I got married and I'll be one until the day I die. Now that I know feral cats are legally protected, I am the public defender of free roaming cats. their fight is my fight. I much rather live in a world of cats than men. Case in point...

Last week the sweetest grey kitty was abandoned or dumped in front of my building unit. Someone's pet. Why people do this I have no idea. Don't get a pet if you can't or won't love it and care for it until the day it dies. Nonetheless someone dumped this gorgeous grey kitty. My next door neighbor and I were caring for the kitty but she already has a house of cats at night and so this kitty was free roaming and not doing well especially at night as you can imagine. It's below 35 degrees at night though this grey kitty a main coon with a ton of fur. I have housemates or I would have had the kitty inside. Still, I did the best I could for her. I cared for her for about five days but then that mentally disturbed leaf blower guy scared her to death followed by losing a cat fight with one of the black cats I call the Montgomery's. So grey kitty blamed me for both leaf blower and black cats and ran off to the neighbors two doors down which was probably all for the best. So that happened. 

AND

I recently had food poisoning for three days last week. It was bad on the first day. I don't believe in coincidences do you. Maybe someone's dupe, someone's Star Trek red shirt "might" have had a hand in my sickness. For my troubles however God made sure I was properly compensated, and I thank Him. Setting up cameras in my room. 

Out here you find out who the two-faced enemies are right quick. They're terrible at methodical thought or simple thought for that matter. God knows all. God sees all. He punishes the wicked. When the wicked die there is literally Hell to pay. For you younger generations, the red shirts  who went on Star Trek danger missions never came back from the danger zone with Kirk and Spock. They were always "unalived" as your generation says. 

Like I said earlier, Las Vegas is a cowboy town. I'm a cowboy. I'm a 1980's hesher really but I can cowboy. I'm currently window shopping a gun purely for protection. It's been a while since I held a gun but it needs to happen. There's a war going on. Can't have every leaf blower in Nevada thinking he can do early morning stalker drive-by's and random roll ups on me. Luckily there's lots of target ranges out here. Lots and lots of target ranges. More target ranges than churches. Maybe I'll be the lady-version of Priest Monsignor Martinez, "Vaya con dios!" We protestants don't cross ourselves but I have a fancy finger gesture in mind to use as my call sign. 

I would also like to mention that your fight isn't my fight. My fight isn't your fight. We may have a common enemy but for entirely different reasons. My friends come from all walks of life, shapes, sizes, and professions but the one thing we all have in common, our common denominator, is that we are thee rebellion. We are anarchists against every corrupt authority, corrupt religion, corruption on every level. Alone or together if you're getting in the ring with me get all the way in or don't bother. If you're a Christian get all the way in the ring with me or don't bother. If you're a fighter fighting the good fights get in the ring with me. Tag-team rumble from the top ropes or don't bother getting in the ring at all.

O Lord, surround us with the care of Your holy angels, that we may not fear but act confidently and compassionately, through Christ, our Lord. Amen.

The old white man doing the lawsuit came strolling by again tonight. He creeps me out so hard. Yes, the bird poop is still there. Yes, the building walls are still dilapidated. What do you want now, sir. I think he's in love with me that's why he walks past my building and lurks on me as much as he does. Sorry bud I'm chaste. You got nothing and I mean nothing I want.  

January 20

The only celebration I'm recognizing on this day is Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Nothing else is happening today.

The high desert winds are killing my throat and sinuses. I brought in the kitties' food and water dishes to wash and refill them but fell asleep. Also, I wanted to wait to make sure Mr. leaf blower wasn't going to come around and blow everything to Kingdom Come like he did last time. When I woke up from my nap, I put new kitty food and water dishes outside and saw someone had put a single kernel of kitty food on top of the trashcan shelter. Either kitties are getting smarter or one of the cat people were like, "Where's their food? Hello. reminder. Food please." (sigh)   

Last night was the first time in a long time a neighborhood I lived in felt like a neighborhood. It was really nice. As the sun was setting kids were outside playing. Adults were being social and kind. I met one of the guys who feeds the cats in the dunes. He doesn't live in the neighborhood anymore, but he still comes by occasionally with a giant bag of kitty food to feed the colonies. Such a sweet man. He said he would have 25 kitties in his home during the winter at night and let them back out in the morning. I would totally do that, but I have housemates. I wish I could have kept the loving grey kitty that came around mewing last week but I couldn't. I didn't want to upset my housemates. I need to sell a script ASAP and move out. 

I have an idea for a cat Documentary: Feral cats of Las Vegas. I need to find the motivation. I'm a little sad about the grey cat to be honest. The look in her eyes the last time I saw her after the black cats attacked her was like, "How could you betray me like this!" But I can't run to her every time she needs something. I did that with stray cat Buddy when I lived downtown in 2018 and look how that ended. He's no doubt dead now. Outdoor cats on average live at most five years. I loved him so much. How can humans hate cats? How can humans not live and let live. 

It is war. 

January 21

I received news yesterday that an old friend from a time and place long ago has died. The last time I saw him, John, was in 2002 at a Brazilian restaurant and bar called LA VA LEE. We were there to support our friend Marco who was gigging that night. I loved my LA VA LEE nights. My friend Claudia took me there and introduced me to Marco who was a dear friend of hers and her (then) husband. Marco introduced me to John and seeing Marco play at LA VE LEE became a regular thing. In 2002 I had grown weary of being single going out to bars and nightclubs. I wanted to be married. One night will be the last night you go to a particular spot and that last night I saw John, Claudia, and Marco at LA VA LEE was the night. I can still remember hugging John and both of us saying, "Keep in touch. Let's get together soon." I can still remember his long blonde hair brushing against my arms as I hugged him and then unknowingly, we said goodbye for the last time. I met my husband a few months later and started a new life. That was back in 2002. Since hearing about John's death all these senses and feelings have come rushing back. Places and people I haven't thought about since 2002. I hope John lived happy. 

There's a game I play to keep my brain sharp especially since my stroke. There are a few online games I play actually but one in particular has these cards with a very distinctive color purple on them that remind me of a card game I played when I was like five years old. I don't remember the name of the card game but it had to do with constructing peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. The purple on my online cards reminds me of the jelly image on the card game I played as a child. It's the exact same color purple and the fact I can only remember the color purple of the jelly but not how the game was played has been driving me insane for months now. (This is how my brain works.)

It seems every time someone I used to know dies or whenever something reminds me of my childhood I go deep into my brain-palace and unlock chambers I haven't been in since, well, some of them since the 80's. 

Remembering John takes me way back to 1992-2002. The friends I kept from that time are people who went through the same parallel changes. Real world somber changes. Some friends didn't change with us. Some friends got left behind or perhaps we were the ones who got left behind. Our group of friends didn't know "rockstar" John Sykes, we knew sober John who drank cranberry juice who was going through a divorce and who took pleasure with his friends doing simple things like going out to eat and seeing other people play in small clubs out of the "rockstar" arenas. I'm sure I'll be having lots of, "I remember that" memories of John for the next few days, weeks. His death really hits home for some reason. Recalling better simpler days, perhaps. My increased thyroid medicated has helped clear my train of thought. Hashimoto's is only affecting my brain right now and since my stroke I am very mindful of my level of clarity. I get mentally lost a lot less with the increased dosage of medication. 

John was only 65 years old. Cancer, it's being reported. 

Goodbye John. I hope you lived happy. 

I better shower now before I go down this three-to-five-day psychological rabbit hole of memories. I will definitely need a spiritual cleanse after this. 

God hath delivered me to the ungodly, and turned me over into the hands of the wicked.

--Job 16:11   

Man's repeat mistakes

After dealing with an emergency medical issue (Hashimoto's, thyroid disease) I am back on track thanks to my dear friend Tim who in 2012 I nicknamed "Aramis" in past blogs because he looked like actor Santiago Cabrera who played Aramis in BBC's The Musketeers. My friend's real name is Tim. Thanks to Tim I was able to go to Urgent Care and have my enlarged thyroid cared for. 

"You need to relax" doctors tell me. Yes, yes, I know. Doctors have been telling me to "relax" since 2021 following my stroke which is coming up on its fourth-year anniversary. I have survived four years. The average lifespan following a stroke is 5-10 years they say. At least I'm past the weekly check mark. In the beginning doctors were literally monitoring my survival on weekly terms. February 26th will be four years.

Thanks to Tim I was able to go into Urgent Care. It's a weird thing strangling on yourself. Thyroid gland. The docs upped my hormone dosage. After this if my thyroid won't behave its surgery. They take a portion of my thyroid I believe. They insert a breathing tube and remove a part of my thyroid through an incision on my throat. 

I need more tea.

Good morning! (Cheery start, eh!) It's my lot in life to educate. 

Please forgive the grammatical errors.

Being 56 years old is the most challenging thing I've done so far. 

Yesterday was challenging. A side-effect of a stroke and Hashimoto's is loss of brain function. Yesterday I had a moment of "brain fog" where I was unsure what I was doing at that moment. I was at the store. I was trying to find some large plastic tubs I could turn into an outdoor shelter for the cats and I when I couldn't find any, I suddenly didn't know what to do next. I panicked. I was all, "How do I get out of this store! Buy something and leave." That's how my brain processed that situation. So bought groceries and left. That's why I play computer games every day to stimulate my brain. It would be so easy for me to become a drooling mess and just give up, but I only have myself. There's only me. I care for the cats because it helps my heart but let's face it, they would make terrible nurses. One cat is more skittish than I am. Everything in my body moves too fast: my blood pressure, my thyroid, my heart rate, thus I take prescriptions to slow everything down in addition to caring for the kitties. Caring for the innocent soothes me. Calms me. Without them I would literally explode, I think. 

We humans have completely surrendered loving other humans. We gave up on sincerely loving. We would rather care for cats and dogs, strangers on the internet we don't know, have never met, will never meet, because being close with someone we didn't make ourselves defeats our self-serving purposes. Humans are narcissists. Kill or be killed. America has become a land of sloth and greed. That's why Los Angeles burned down. Social media-mites preach, "God didn't burn Los Angeles down, climate change and global warming burned Los Angeles down!" Forgive me for saying but I think that dude with a blowtorch might have had something to do with it too. I think humans with their constant building and lack of caring about their surroundings might have had something to do with it also. I think when the governor instructs Los Angeles to conserve water during a drought but the richest cities in LA refused, welp that's where the water went. Regardless of if you believe in God or not a reckoning happened in Los Angeles. Of all the places I've been, the men in Los Angeles have sold their souls the most. Instead of a flood God sat back and said, "Go ahead Hellfire and Brimstone. Take 'em. I can't help them anymore. Look what they've chosen to become." Las Vegas could be next. Why? Because many Angelenos fled the ever-rising high cost of living and came here like I did. Only, I care what my surroundings look like. 

Sincerity isn't found virtue-signaling. 

Men in Las Vegas are quickly selling their souls starting with their self-respect. I don't think men know why they sexually harass or pester.

I was waiting at a bus stop the other day and some guy, white male in his 40's, literally ran across the street to sexually harass me. Then he followed me on the bus to sexually harass me further. His mother really did a number on him, I think. Or is that the work of his father. One of his parents turned him into a monster. Perhaps they both molested him. Anytime a man sexually harasses me or behaves sexually inappropriately I just assume he was molested by a family member.   

Humans want to be Forever 21. Why this country doesn't just "carrousel" everyone on their thirtieth birthday like in Logan's Run is a mystery to me. "We care just at a comfortable distance with strangers we'll never meet." What a shame.

Speaking of Las Vegas, I live near a desert dune where homeless men camp. For those who don't know Las Vegas has an entire city of underground homeless people. Google it. They live in sewage tunnels. That's reason #1 why you don't drink the water here without a filtering system. Never mind the dirt and debris, I would rather drink the sand than the water that comes out of the faucets here. It's cleaner. The homeless men who live in the dunes scream at the morning hikers and dirt bikers but one in particular has a mantra scream of, "Get out of here!" He repeats it over and over. It's all I've ever heard him say. "Get out of here!" Every morning. "Get out of here!" In the afternoons he has no choice he has to put up with the Dune-walkers. There's too many of them. I feed my stray kitties three big bowls of hard food a day. I've wondered if the "Get out of here!" guy eats at least one of the bowls. I've seen the cats eat the hard food but three large bowls a day. That's a lot of cat food, yes?      

For women experiencing an abundant of sexual harassment I've thought long and hard on this subject and concluded the reason God puts all these weird creepy men directly in our paths is, so we instantly lose all desire to be in a loving relationship with anyone other than Christ. That's the only reason I can think of behind it. Men sexually harassing women is abundant in all classes. The only thing God can do to fix these problems is... well, set the town on fire, I guess.  

But I say unto you, that whoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should parish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

--Mathew 5:28,29

FIRE AND BRIMSTONE

Regarding the Los Angeles fires emotions are running high. 

Good morning.

*Please forgive the grammatical errors.

It's being reported that an arsonist, a homeless man armed with a flame thrower, was arrested for the Kenneth fire. I have friends who live in Calabasas I'm in contact with regularly since the fires broke out. Other friends of mine are smack dab in the middle surrounded by fires. Even more friends are in serious threat of losing their homes. I'm in constant contact with all my LA loved ones and so far all are alive and well. I lived in Los Angeles for over 30 years, and it just breaks my heart seeing it on fire like this. I only recently became a Nevadian 9 days ago. Sadly, as Angelenos we've become accustomed to seeing brush fires but nothing like this. Call it a warning. A reckoning. As I've blogged before there will be casualties of biblical war, collateral damage, innocent people will be tragically affected like in the great flood. 

"Why is this happening?" 

Answer: There is man and there is God. When man clashes with God there will be consequences for man's actions. Thus women, children, the innocent are once again forced to live in the wars men make. You don't have to believe in God to feel it in your bones when a Reckoning is upon us. 

I said "the wars men make" for woman is the rib of man. You want the title of being a big shot MAN then own it when you go to war with God. To deny God is to sell your soul. Once man's soul is gone he is owned. 

2:52pm

I've had a very, very long day. Came home to the friendly Montgomery cat sibling lounging on one of the neighbor's ground deck walls. When she saw me she jumped down. I carry cat food, snacks, and fresh water in my backpack, so I sat down with her for a little picnic on the walkway. I was having a beautiful moment feeding the friendly sibling who now makes herself comfy right next to me (relaxing my stressed heart) when first an Amazon truck scared kitty away, then some parking lot cruiser scoping out who had their front doors open scared kitty away, so we moved closer to my front door only to have the garbage truck roar down my street scaring kitty completely away. Garbage trucks come on Mondays WTF were they doing here on Friday. Kitty bolted across the parking lot (sigh). The one little enjoyment of my long hard day and four men just had to ruin it. Dear God, I know you're trying to teach me patience, but does it have to be when I'm enjoying the company of a kitty? Men. The only man who was a help to me all day was the doctor at Urgent Care. He was amazing. He was busy on his computer but when he heard his nurse and I talking about medical insurance he came right over and gave me some wonderful advice - and the gal working with him was equally a giant help. God bless them. 

January 11  

I miscalculated where this Urgent Care was on Google maps. By the time I realized the office was on the Las Vegas strip and not past it I could have pulled all my hair out. I so do not like going on the strip. I've been having more swelling in my thyroid than usual and using Google maps to locate an Urgent Care I found myself on the strip. I have Hashimoto's disease (thyroid issue) and on occasion my thyroid flares up making it uncomfortable to breath, swallow, and impossible to sleep. I'm fine now but I ended up walking 5 miles yesterday which is great exercise but my legs are very sore today. I shouldn't complain. Yes, you're right, Lord. I shouldn't complain. 

I'm so not a fan of the strip these days because you can't just walk down the street or simply cross the street anymore. It's up this escalator, cross that catwalk, up another escalator, crossing another catwalk... a real test of patience. Five miles later I made it back to the house.

3:43am

More Los Angeles fires are being reported. It would not surprise me if someone or a group of someones come out in the aftermath taking responsibility for the fires... which happened after Luigi Mangione was arrested. 

How's this for conspiracy theories: 

A group of "eat the rich" arson activists.

OR 

A group of MAGA supporter arsonists.

Personally, I think God has had enough of man's demons. Same God, same. Of all the places I have been Los Angeles men are the most demonically possessed, as in owned. Most LA men are owned. They've sold their souls. Perhaps someone's come to collect... and once again the innocent suffers. 

The Lord said to Satan, "From where have you come?" Satan answered the Lord and said, "From going to and fro on the Earth, and from walking up and down on it."

-- Job 1:7

LOS ANGELES

Good morning. I hope wherever you are you and loved ones are safe. God bless you all. 

*Please forgive the grammatical errors.

We all kept hoping the Los Angeles fires would finally calm down, but they raged on day after day. Maybe today since the winds have died down the brave hard-working firefighters might catch a break. Alas, the damage that's been done is done, right. Home destroyed. Lives destroyed. I've been in regular contact with my loved ones in Los Angeles and fortunately they are well and safe. Thank God. 

I moved to San Francisco, California in 1989, and then to Los Angeles in January 1992. The friends I have now are friends I made shortly after I moved there. Beloved friends of 30 + years. I officially moved to Nevada January 2, 2025. For 33 years LA was home and now I'm watching it burn down. My friends and I are still in shock. We cannot be bothered to listen to people politicize these fires. We cannot be bothered to listen to the sarcasm and derision coming from people not affected in the least by these fires. 

James Woods house burned down, and democrats are cheering. Be better than that. It is not up to man to seek revenge or vengeance. How exhausting. Only God determines who lives, who dies, and who gets punished. Why bother yourself with vengeance. Love thy enemy and go your way in peace. By showing your hatred for Woods is showing him you care. Stop. A man who hates so many innocent people is not worth your time and energy. Pick your battles. God saw fit to burn his house down. Wave Woods off and go live your lives. 

Because I am overcome with love, I feel bad for anyone who has lost a home be them animals, plants, and people. I want the living not to suffer. Not be homeless. The love in my heart is for everyone, not just this person or that person. Everyone. Pray for the firefighters. Pray for their families. God bless them.

I miss Sheldon so much especially now. Now more than ever. If he were still alive, we would be together every night, open a bottle of wine, snuggle on the couch with his kitty who we called "Mr. Kittle-cattle" and send all the positive energy we have towards those in the path of a blaze. I truly believe Sheldon was the only man on earth who really understood me. We appreciated each other's energy and goodness. May he rest in peace. I hope we find each other again when I die.

Yesterday, January 8 

I met the gals in my cozy. A "cozy" is a knitting circle. A group of knitters is called a cozy. Those gals were so sweet. I look forward to our next meeting. I also posted an advert on the local senior center corkboard for my companionship/pet caretaker services. "For you or a loved one" it says. I have so much love in my heart I want to bond with someone who needs me to care for them. I'm excited to start my good work. To love a person like family is different than loving a boyfriend. I have no family so caring for someone (or two) who need me will fulfill the empty family void. Win-win for everyone. Plus, it's good work instead of just work.

I'm waiting for my Nevada ID to start work hopefully it'll come sooner than later. Hopefully it comes.

Again, I need to address something one of the social media priests who regularly appear on my Youtube short feed said in regard to the priests who were found guilty of sexual abuse. This social media priest's followers wanted to know why this extremely popular priest didn't speak out against the other priests found guilty of sexual abuse and this priest said because he didn't want to virtue-signal, and I get that 100% if he wasn't a priest himself but he is. If a group of people in my industry gets caught doing something like sexual abuse, you better believe I would have something to say about it. In fact, sexual abuse in the caregiving industry is not uncommon. So much so that there is video training of what constitutes as sexual abuse among caring for the elderly because some caregivers assist in daily hygiene. If abuse if happening in your industry I would think you would have something to say about it. He chooses to say nothing and in all honesty that's between him and God.

Moving on.

I didn't see any of the Montgomery black cats yesterday. None. Not even the skittish kitty. They're probably all in hiding from the winds. I'm working from home today. I have to. My Nevada ID hasn't come in the mail yet. Two weeks they said. I'll get some good walking and writing done in the meantime. 

Back to today, January 9.

Today we remember President Jimmy Carter. I was eight years old when President Carter took office. I remember my dad who worked for the (then called) AFL-CIO as a union rep, making 'Carter for president' lawn signs in our front yard the year before. I may not have liked some of the policies held by presidents in and out of the White House over the years but seeing Trump sit next to these past presidents honoring President Carter forces me to bite my tongue and have patience. The man cannot even pretend to have respect on this day of honor for a former president. I literally have to bite my knuckle mobster style to not say something. What President Carter did after he left office until the day he died is a true inspiration for all of us in the meaning of good work, good deeds. God rest him. 

On a lighter note. 

We are watching, waiting, and hoping our favorite bald eagles in Big Bear Lake, CA, Jackie and Shadow lay some eggs soon. Hopefully viable eggs this year and hatch little eaglets. We were so heartbroken when their eggs didn't hatch last year, and Jackie ate them for nutrients. 

The Montogomery's.

Just fed the black cat siblings. I was worried. The older one is friendly. Will eat treats out of my hand finally. Yay! The skittish one is well skittish still. I have to back away slowly after filling their bowls or she won't eat. I met my female housemate this morning outside the front door after the Montgomery's ate. She feeds them too she said. Cool. She said they go into our next-door neighbor's house, or at least one does. Good. It seems the whole community takes care of the kitties. I think the skittish one stays outside.  

The kitties got scared when a truck with loud "music" slowly rolled through like WT serious F! Drug dealer sus behavior. There's no legit reason for any car to slowly roll through the parking lot blasting loud noise at 8:30 in the morning. Total sus behavior. AND it's not a through-way parking lot. The building put up car barriers at the end of the parking lot so people don't roll through all day and night. One way in. One way out. Go back the way you came buddy. Sus.

The other day a 70-something white man said hello to me as we crossed paths but he said hello in such a creepy way with such a creepy grin. He gave me nothing but the icks. Some people should not try being friendly or at least practice in a mirror first. Women do not like men throwing ick-vibes.

Nevada mail. 

I 100% do not trust anyone in Nevada. I see people lurking by the mailboxes and YOU KNOW they are there to steal mail. If your mail ain't there then move on fellas. Go! Get! Otherwise you're just stealing mail. If I don't get my Nevada ID by next week then it got stolen out the mailbox and I'm going back to Los Angeles next month. At least I still have a CA ID. Trust NO ONE in Nevada. You legit have to be a cowboy out here at all times, always. If I stay in Nevada, you bet I'm buying a gun. You legit have to be a cowboy out here. I get why the Montgomery's are skittish but... I feed them and 100% respect them.

Anyway.

The winds have picked up again. 

Sigh.

I'm going to close out this blog by saying people need to know when it's time to move on. Have some self-respect. I received a text message from a guy who I met one time, literally once, back in 2020 maybe, over four years ago and he still texts me. Let it go. For whatever reason it didn't work between us back in 2020 and I only continue relationships with value, not casual texts four years later when you need attention. Not sorry. Move on mister. Move on.

For into your hands we commend ourselves, our bodies and soul, and all things. Let your holy angel be with us, that the evil foe may have no power over us. Keep your solders out of harm's way. Let them do what they must when facing these fires. Amen. 

THIS 56 YEAR OLD WOMAN

Good morning! 

*Please forgive the grammatical errors.

Question, do you believe in multivitamins? I don't know about other countries but here in America we American children from the 70's and 80's grew up on Flintstones multivitamins. Now, I don't know if that's because our parents stopped "parenting" us by the time we turned five years old and the government knew we had to fend for ourselves regarding food and nutrition thus pushed multivitamins on us through television advertising, or if it was because the fruits and vegetables we ate as children didn't give us the balanced nutrition required, but whatever the reason I've been taking a multivitamin for nearly every day of my life since Flintstones only to now learn they don't do anything. Really? They do nothing. How is that possible? Experts from the food and drug administration are now coming forward saying that multivitamins are not necessary if you eat a balanced diet. I eat a balanced diet. Don't I? (With the exception of my 20's when my diet was cigarettes, alcohol and other things not good for me.) I'm afraid to stop taking multivitamins now after 51 years of swallowing them practically every day. Do you give your kids a multivitamin? 

Most of the vegetables we, Minnesotans, ate as kids came from our garden: corn, mushrooms, squash, tomatoes, potatoes, and lettuce, mostly. Lots of potatoes. Midwesterners are the Bubba Gumps of potatoes i.e. mashed, chips, baked, boiled, gnocchi, hasselback, hashed, pan fried, deep fried, au gratin, roasted, you get what I'm saying. And we bought our fruit from the neighboring farmers: watermelon, grapes, apples (orchards), oranges, and grapefruit, mostly. Are these not FDA nutrient balanced fruits and vegetables? I couldn't imagine my childhood without Flintstones Multivitamins... or potatoes.  

I want to address something without calling out the men who said it. The two men are a 40-something-year-old Catholic priest and a (disgraced) 50-something-year-old evangelical preacher who started his own church back in the 90's with a congregation of about 12,000 people. His preachings then became erratic in an "Infowars" kind of way and his congregation reportedly shrunk from 12,000 to 8,000 until the preacher went completely off the rails disgracing himself with things he said in a crazy "Infowars" preach that led him to being ousted by not only his own church but his (denominational) elders as well. I bring this up because the priest who has a well-known social media presence and is constantly popping up on my feeds with every new video stitched a sarcastic response regarding something the crazy preacher said during one of his "Infowars" style rantings. This priest loves to be combative towards protestants in his social media presence, but he often uses the most outdated, most radical material of misinformation for his stitches that I finally had to call him out on it. This priest is younger, more entertaining, I have no issues with him wanting to stitch the preachings of protestant ministers but don't use misinformation. C'mon be better than that. Don't "Trump" Catholicism. The preacher this priest stitched was ousted yeeears ago. If one of these younger priests with strong social media presence want to stitch protestant ministers do your homework first. The reason for the priest's TikTok sarcasm was because it's being reported people are leaving the church in record number. So, the priest grabbed a clip of one of the most radical now shamed preachers from the 90's and went with it. Do better. I'm not saying this because I'm a protestant. Be religious. Don't be religious. It's still a free country. But if you're going to stitch a minister stitch one that's at least current and legit.

Men. Starting battles as always so long as it just benefits him. 

I get people use social media for their own agendas. The agenda of the Catholic church is to stay in power, and they can only accomplish this with church members. We get it. But when church, any church Catholic or protestant, start misinformation campaigns I call them out. I left that priest a very polite comment letting him know that particular preacher was ousted years ago. No real protestant with a faithful relationship with Christ would ever follow such radical nonsense ministry. *cough*that's why we're protestants and not Catholics*cough* I didn't comment that last part. No need to be all ick about it.

Regarding the Montogomery's

It seems there is only one left. I have not seen mama or big daddy fluff or any of the smaller siblings, it's just the one skittish black kitty who looks to be about 5-10 months old. For the past three days it's just been the one. Poor kitty is probably freaked out like "Where did my fam go?!" I've been feeding the lone kitty. I got a small bag of semi-hard food because I don't want kitty's teeth going bad eating only wet food, but kitty was not having the hard food. Soft food it is.   

Per community work

I received a very nice email from the woman who runs the senior center I made inquiries to last Saturday. She said I can stop by any time and post my companion advertisement on their community board and offered to show me around when I got there. Yay! I'm excited again. And this time it's on my own terms not some poorly run facility. I'm so happy. I'm eager to start my community good works somewhere. Tomorrow is my birthday. I think I'll go tomorrow. What better present to myself than a new beginning for the rest of my life. I'm excited! 

UPDATE on the black cat clan I call the Montgomery's

I think the entire family has bugged out, but they left behind one little kitty. Not the friendly one, the skittish one. I have not seen any other of her clan in three days. Just her assuming it's a "her". Poor kitty. And she's so skittish. She ate a big can of wet cat food by herself today. Hungry little girl. 

The leaf blower is back again. I remind you I'm in the desert. No leaves. The leaf blower is just blowing around (and I'm not kidding) a two-foot-high pile of desert debris. Instead of getting a broom and dustpan, the building manager hired a leaf blower to blow a two-foot pile of desert debris down the parking lot. Not trash, debris i.e. sticks, dust, sand, small rocks, debris. A man hired him I do not doubt. No woman would use a leaf blower over a sweeper and dustpan. There's a big dumpster back there too. He could just scoop up the debris in a dustpan and toss it in the dumpster but no. What's this leaf blower going to do with the two-foot-high pile of desert debris? Just keep leaf blowing it down the street. Not to bash men but this is 100% a ridiculous man-plan. 

UPDATE on the black cat clan I call the Montgomery's

I just saw mama black cat in someone living room window! Whaaat? Are they NOT homeless kitties? But then why was the skittish kitten left outside? It's only the one kitty who I fed earlier today left outside for the past three days. I'm confused. I saw the skittish black kitten about five minutes ago too, but it didn't approach me looking for food or anything, so I left her alone. Is she a rebel kitten. Does she not want a home. What's going on. 

January 7

Happy Birthday to me 🎂

I was gifted an air fryer over Christmas, and it is the best thing ever. Quick and easy meal prep. As I mentioned in other blogs 56 isn't a milestone birthday. Now 60 might excite me. I'm heading to the senior center this week to post my companion advert on their community board AND I'm joining their knitting circle. A group of knitters is called "a cozy". I've been looking forward to joining a cozy for quite a while now. Get my "Ma vibes" from other older ladies. 

And

This may seem macabre but I'm writing about it anyway. Back in 2015-2017 I rented a studio apartment by Venice Beach (California) from a man I met at my work (restaurant). He was a regular customer named Joe who happened to also be a landlord/building manager of a half dozen properties. When I knew him he was 78-80 years old but he lied about his age. He tried shaving off about eight years. One of his daughters outed his age to me in private. At the time I was 48-50 years old. I felt sorry for the old man and had coffee with him one day which resulted with him becoming obsessed with me. He would walk into my apartment any time he wanted, leave me love letters taped to my apartment door and at my work, he would drive around looking for me when I wasn't home, he broke my furniture, a left bags of dog poop in front of apartment door, he left harassing voice mail messages on my phone and taped to my door, he chopped down all the trees and bushes in front of my door for a clear view, he hammered a "for rent" sign in front of my apartment door, he had his 50-something mentally disturbed son wait outside my apartment building to monitor my coming and going, and when his son was too drunk to stay awake in his car Joe would put blue painters tape on top of my door frame to see when I left my apartment. One of his daughter's managed the apartment building and when I complained she said she was afraid of him and couldn't help me. Meaning she was simply waiting for him to die to collect her inheritance and didn't want to rock the boat until then. When I went to the neighborhood police station to file a harassment complaint it seems other tenants had also filed a complaint but because Joe had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's he wasn't legally responsible for his actions they said. I would have had to drag Joe and his daughter to court to get any compensation. They were wealthy and could afford an attorney. I was a waitress and could not. And so, this mess went on for two years. When I finally had the chance to move, I informed the daughter I saved all of Joe's harassing messages which was a lot and threatened to take her to court unless she compensated me for the move which she did. That was in 2017. Eight years ago. I have not heard a peep in eight years. I learned last night Joe died. I breathed a big sigh of relief. I've been breathing big sighs of relief ever since. I can finally burn all those threating harassing letters of his. It's over. The man is dead. Best birthday gift ever. 

When your tormenters die there is no bigger release. I wish he had been a better human being when he was alive. Reading what his children wrote about him on his Legacy page made me laugh. "Beloved by all who knew him." Not all. People might think, "Well, he had Alzheimer's" and to that I say but he was still driving his car every day and living independently so it couldn't have been too advanced. He knew what he was doing. Regarding Joe's children, I think his daughters were just waiting for him to die. Who knows what the dynamic there was. And the 50-something son was/is an alcoholic and mentally ill. That's Joe's real "Legacy".

What happened to kind old men? When I was a little girl old men were the nicest people. They weren't perverts or grumpy. Old people were awesome back in the day. Nowadays old men expose their perversions like it's normal. Ick. I suppose because I had an incredible gentle loving grandma, I aspire to be her. What do today's old men aspire to be I wonder. Grumpy and mean it seems. Too bad really. I wonder how many people will say behind closed doors once you are dead, "I'm glad he's dead. What a relief."

Joe's funeral and burial plot were kept off his Legacy announcement. Probably so no one would spit and dance on his grave. I had forgotten about Joe until his death announcement, and I'll forget about him again. Never remember the terrible people in your life. Remember only the good one who made you laugh and smile like my dear friend Sheldon. I miss him so much. I really loved him. I'm sad after 25+ years our friendship came to an abrupt end but at least we had 25 wonderful years together. Sheldon died two years after we went separate ways. No one loved or cared for him like I did. The choice was his. I sincerely hope he died the way he wanted. I will always maintain people should die the best way they see fit.   

In this day and age most of us will not know when someone dies. We all live in our close tight knit bubble and perhaps for the better. I'm a big believer of Dr. Seuss logic.

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

-- Dr Seuss

Amen. God bless us all. 

This (almost) 56-year-old woman

Happy new year! 

*Please forgive the grammatical errors

Another year older and wiser. 56 years on the 7th.  

Just an old dog learning new tricks.

My generation, Gen X'ers, were never taught relationship values. We were taught absolutely nothing from our parents. The Bible taught us more than our own parents. Everything I know regarding relationships I had to teach myself. Trial and error and error and error. Dr Ali Fenwick a behavioral specialist wrote a book called Red Flags, Green Flags modern psychology and I think every female Gen X'er needs to read it. Dr Fenwick taught me how to spot men who have zero relationship values. Also, on a separate matter I defend and care for helpless stray cats in part because I had an abusive mom-figure in my childhood home. (click the link) AN INTRODUCTION and I now have a need to care for God's pure and innocent. I was 55 years old when I learned about relationship values. If a man you know doesn't return your phone calls or texts, he has zero relationship values. That goes for any man. He could be a platonic friend, a family member, an employer, someone you're dating, or someone you're married to. If he is nonresponsive, it's because he has zero relationship values. That's on him not you. If he tries to pin one woman against another to gain obedience it's because he has zero relationship values (and he knows nothing about women). Such a man does not value any relationship, not friendship, not family, not any female anywhere much like our 47th president. Such a man will always be alone, feel sorry for himself, and blame others for his woes. He will never self-assess. He will never be self-aware. He will always be his own worst enemy and blame his loneliness on everyone else. Relationships are 100% about values. A man with values is a good man. Never let him go. A man with no values can just be alone for the rest of his life. Entirely his choice.

Moving on.  

Yesterday feeding the black cat clan I call the Montgomery's it seems there are more black cats than just the three. It seems there are four and I am no longer certain which one is my little kitty. It seems ma Montgomery had more than one kitty in her litter. No matter. They are all beautiful. Yesterday I spied another kitty, a lone grey tabby, skittishly drinking from the puddle one of the morning sprinklers leave behind every day. Soon that puddle will be gone when the temperature hits over 110 degrees F. Poor thing. The Montgomery clan will be fine. It's the lone kitty my heart aches for. The world is too big and mean for a sweet little kitty to alone in. Poor thing. I pray God please watch over your sweet innocent kitty cats. 

I'm currently sitting at my little writing desk next to the sliding glass doors to my modest private deck watching the sunrise. The world seems normal at this hour. Calm. Full of goodness and possibilities. But then the sun rises higher over the mountains and world goes mad. Heartless. Soulless. So much so they voted the worst man in the country to be our president. How can anyone minister a country gone mad back to sanity. And now tweets and social media posts are pouring in on how stupid people feel that they voted for a man who lied about lowering food costs, lied about making his supposed Christian beliefs a priority, and lied about his stance on mass deportation and immigration to appease his wealthy backers. We all tried to warn you, but no you insisted on voting for a man convicted of 34 felonies. The next four years are going to be absolute insanity. If North Korea and Russia invaded the U.S. after February America will lose. We absolutely will lose that war because of our inept leader. If you voted for that man every bad thing that happens to you/us now is a result of it. Actions have consequences. When you raise a hand against just one of God's children, you will suffer the consequences maybe not right away, but God settles every score. 

And he went up from thence unto Beth-el: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. 

And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord. And there came forth two she-bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

-- 2 Kings 2:23, 24  

FAFO. 

It is not man's place to seek revenge. Trust in God's authority on vengeance for he is swift or timely methodical in His justice, and we innocent may just become collateral damage like those in the great flood. I'm not one to preach the end is near but with this upcoming reelected imbecilic president he could trip over one of his hired prostitute's ankle monitors and accidentally start WWIII. Typically speaking one does not want to make enemies with peaceful countries that boarder your own but... welp, leave it up to the man who thinks Isis be an immigrant housekeeper employed at Mar-a-Lago and watch him try to cut her wages at the same time he makes enemies out of Mexico and Canada, our friends and allies... until this president. 

(sigh)

Patience. Patience. This is the year I better myself by having more patience. But the man is an imbecile, Lord.

(sigh)

Anyway.

It is once again early morning.

The birds are chirping. The air is crisp. It is a glorious morning. How unfortunate when people cannot appreciate it. God gives you these beautiful mornings to start your day feeling blessed. It is a perfect time to correct the errors of your ways. People will forgive you if you are sincere in your desire to change for the better. Do better than the day before and the day before that. 

Hey, did I mention (film) NOSFERATU. It is so good. I have to say quite possibly the most ominous thing I have ever heard in a horror film came from NOSFERATU and that is when Count Orlok drinks blood from his victim's chest. Deep loud bloody drinks. Such an ominous sound. This film is so good. See it in the theater!  

January 4

Three days until 56. It's not a big deal really. 60 might be something though I doubt it. I had a chat with my oldest brother the other day. He text me about my nephew. Seems my nephew type 1 diabetic like my dad. Poor kid. 

First time my brother and I talked in months and months. We're not terribly close anymore. We were close when we were teenagers but not since. I left home at 19. Traveled. Lived many lives. My brother chose to stay home and be a slave to his mother. He and I grew apart.  

Our parents were not good parents. My dad was off with his mistress in their home with their kids. My brother's mom was a trainwreck of a human being who knew nothing of the world or people, nor did she care to learn about or be a part of. My dad just got sick and tired of her and abandoned the home to start over with another woman in their house not that I blame him. I dreaded going home at night too. I was so thankful when I got older. Even more thankful when I also got to leave. 

At my age I feel it's my duty to be a "grandma" to these young gals and voice my experience on matters like "I think he's cheating on me." 

Two words - relationship values. He either has them or he does not. 

Sees other women while dating you = no relationship values. 

Calls you "bruh" = no relationship values.

Dismisses your traditional wants and desires in the relationship = no relationship values.

Hangs up on you = no relationship values.

Does not return your phone call or text messages = no relationship values.

Takes phone calls and texts from other women when you're with him = no relationship values.

The 30-year-old man with no relationship values is just sad. He will become the 70-year-old man, never married, with no relationship values and die alone as he clearly must want because the choice is 100% his.

January 5

I made it official last week. I am now a Nevada resident. I will always love California. It was my home from 1989-2024. 35 years. But as per usual with all good things it came to an end. My divorce in 2012, then Covid followed by stroke(s), I just couldn't financially recover but I'm grateful for what I have. I can retire here like all the little old ladies before me. And speaking of little old ladies, I'm at that age where I'm blowing my nose constantly. I go through so much tissue every day I need to invest in handkerchiefs. Pretty elegant handkerchiefs like my beloved grandma Louise had.

My stroke left me feeling like I'm 80 even if I look 40. Uneducated selfish people always say, "But you look 40 how can you feel 80." Well, kids, when part of your brain dies you have to relearn everything starting from when you were ten months old. It's all so very exhausting. I'm so tired. I have about eight good hours a day. 

I'm still looking for proper work. Meaning working within and for my age range. Meaning work that doesn't make the rich richer. I refuse to die making the rich richer. I'm done helping others be wealthy especially those who don't deem it necessary to care for their workers with medical benefits, maternity leave, paid sick days and holidays, or even pay for their lunches. 

As I wrote December 31 Tuesday morning: 

The Jewish Center returned my phone call yesterday but because I'm legally blind (20/200 vision and don't drive) I do not apply for the community companionship program. You're not assigned the same person each week. There's no relationship with anyone. ((Like, what? Why not? What do they have against building trusting relationships with people?)) This center is poorly run I'm sorry to say. Again, that's a personnel problem, not a problem with the center itself. They offered me a teaching assistant's position but again you're not in the same classroom every week. You go wherever they need you that day within a ten miles radius if your location. It's all completely random. If all I wanted was to just be a warm body I'd go back working in places where I made other people rich. It's been a frustrating day. And, sorry not sorry, if I, a senior myself, can be on my own legally blind then why can't I assist older seniors or is my independent living beneath the independent living of others? I see elderly people 70+ on public transit all the time with their groceries and pets. If the seniors in this program require handicap rides to run errands the state of Nevada provides it with Medicaid for them and their caregivers. But again, it seems the way the personnel at this center runs things minister only warm bodies and not actual human connections. So frustrating. And then to make matters worse, someone from the center called me and left a message for Mathew. Apparently, my voice on my voicemail sounds like a Mathew. The Jewish center worker was calling to cancel Mathew's 9am appointment because she said she was sick. She didn't sound sick. She could have at least faked a stuffy nose. Amateur.

I want that 1:1 connection with people. I want them to know they can trust and rely on me and that I'm here for them for as long as I am alive. It's so important that people know their companions are there for them and not just a robot for a few hours. It benefits me too. I get to have that 1:1 relationship with someone other than a boyfriend. I don't have a close family. It's something I long for. My platonic male friends told me long ago the best way to get a family after 40 is to marry into one. Seems a little deceptive when there are so many people in the world seeking companionship.

Too many lonely people in the world. We need to do better.

Give me a willing and alert heart to hear and ponder thy word. Amen.