Good morning.
*Please forgive the grammatical errors.
I've re-started this blog so many times I just can't keep up with the news, the horrors of this country (America), and things going on in my personal life.
There was yet again another school shooting alongside the fatal shooting of yet another political figure. I'm exhausted. I can't even write about it. I'm sure there's good somewhere in this country but this White House administration as a whole is like a five year old boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar desperately trying to convince us it's not his hand.
If you followed my last blog which I have since deleted, no I didn't get cancelled I deleted PST by choice, then you may remember my brothers mom died two+ years ago and only recently did her estate close.
I'm in Minnesota now. And because my brothers mother never signed the paperwork relinquishing her parental rights of me when my dad gave her the paperwork back when they divorced, 40 some years later she died and didn't make a Will and as a result of this I received a third of her estate. My younger/older brother A. insisted I take the money. He said it's legally mine and insisted I take the money. My oldest brother J. didn't want me to have a dime. I'm not a daughter by blood and J. doesn't think I should have any money from her estate.
I should also mention A. is financially secure and does well with managing his money. He always has. He's been happily married to his wife some-30 years. They still live in the same house they bought back in 1998 for under 100K (in Minnesota). And because the town they live in has sprung up over the years into a high end bougie upper class town their 100K house is now worth four times that much.
J. is a disaster with money and as a result of this has none. He's been unemployed for a long time. His second wife has been the primary financial provider in their marriage for nearly (I want to say) ten years, seven years at least. They wed in 2012 and honeymooned in Los Angeles. I had no idea they had gotten married. I wasn't invited to the wedding. I also had no idea they were coming to Los Angeles. I was living in LA at the time going through a separation from my husband when J. called me up out of the blue on their honeymoon to meet him for brunch AKA to take him and his new wife out to brunch. A $170 brunch I might add. BUT I did it. I was younger, heartbroken, not thinking clearly, and easily manipulated still by my family back then.
Had my brother's mom signed the paperwork back in 1985-or whenever our dad gave her the paperwork relinquishing her as my "mother" or had she actually made a Will, I wouldn't have gotten anything. My brothers would have split her estate in half BUT she didn't do either of those two things and so by law I received a third of her estate as her legally adopted daughter.
The issue of money has been a thorn in my side since J. couldn't legally remove me from his mother's estate. For two years A. and I have been hearing J. complain about money and then two+ years later the estate closed and everyone got paid. It's not a lot of money but enough to make a fresh start, well, for me anyway. I can make a fresh start. It's not enough for J. to make a fresh start for him, his wife, and his tween son, the third of three sons. His other two sons are grown in their twenties.
After a divorce, stroke, Covid, post-stroke, the estate money albeit not much is enough to set me up somewhere to start anew. A chance I have not had since my stroke.
I'm in Minnesota now. I arrived in Minnesota September 2nd for a handful of reasons but mostly to see the proper end of the closing of the estate. I half-expected to see J. and a lawyer serving A. and me papers demanding more money for his share of the estate but that didn't happen thank goodness.
A. met me for coffee on the 5th and handed me the estate check in person. It was really good seeing A. We had a nice 2 and 1/2 hour talk that was a long time coming. A long time coming. Lots was said. Lots that needed to be said. It was a great conversation. I don't know if he'll keep in touch. We'll see I guess. Since J. lives in Arizona his check was mailed to him. He received it (I'm guessing) yesterday because that's when he text me demanding money from my part of the estate.
J. who is miserable with money, made a list of everything he ever spent on me from the time I was seventeen years old. Literally nickel and dimed me for every little dollar he thinks he's given me since like 1987. "Remember when I bought that TV for you back in 1988 after you said you didn't have one for your bedroom." Oh. You mean the used TV set you bought at a thrift store for $15. The TV you bought for me as a gift back when you were (I thought) just being a cool big brother. Fine. Whatever, bro. I didn't ask you to buy me a TV but whatever. I'll give J. what he wants and then I never want to speak to him ever again. The sum of his demands totaled at 2.5K and yes I gave it to him... but he made sure it was like pulling teeth giving it to him. Let me explain.
I told J. I would Zell him the money. I said ZELL like five times. I had to because in his text messages to me, J. didn't just want the money, he wanted me to want to give him the money. When he finally informed me the total sum of his demands I Zelled him using his name and phone number as I had done before. ONLY TO THEN BE TOLD, "I don't have Zell." Yes, yes he does. Only, he had since changed the info on his Zell account a few years ago to a business account. Something he should have communicated to me while we were texting about Zell, yea? And what business?? After fifteen text messages going back and forth I resolved the matter by calling my bank's 1-800 number and talking with a wonderful bank rep who helped me get the money out of limbo and into my idiot brother's bank account. I did this after my idiot brother said there were none of his bank's in Arizona. OMG are you serious?! Then I text my idiot brother the screenshots of the email notification confirming the money has now landed in his bank account. That was at 5:49pm yesterday and I have not heard a peep from him since. Good. Keep it that way. He won't get another dime out of me. That money was the payoff to never speak to him again.
Family, eh.
Friends are your chosen family. Amen!
As you can imagine it's been an emotional rollercoaster.
I got to see my oldest dearest childhood friend. We had breakfast on my second day in town and it's like we never grew up. We're still the same childhood besties we were back in 70's and 80's. It's amazing. beautiful really. I love my friends so much. They're my real family. In the end I thank my brother A. for talking me into taking the money because originally I didn't want anything to do with it, but he said by law he had to give me the money even if he didn't want to, but he wanted me to have the money. Once he gave me the money I could do with it whatever I wanted. When I met A. for coffee five days ago he said he was glad I took the money. He said it was the least that woman (his mother) could do for me after all the Hell she put me through when I was a kid. You can read a little bit about that here in my intro blog: GREETINGS! AN INTRODUCTION
As for the rest of it, being back in MN even though it's changed so much, I think I'm going to stay in town over the winter at least. It would be nice to see winter again. I don't know how my lungs will handle it but we'll see. At least I have plenty of time to set myself up before winter. I better find me a local doctor out here too before the first snow fall. And what have I bought so far with the estate money? A new hair dryer. That's it. Thank goodness I'm old and don't care about labels or superficial things. I'm just seeking winter shelter and checking the job market. At 56 years of age stability is something I have not had since 2003. I'm not kidding. My marriage unhoused me more times than poverty.
While having breakfast with my oldest childhood friend I mentioned not being opposed to getting married again. Aside from being a kind man, a thoughtful mindful kind human being, more importantly I want a man who is content if not happy with his his life. Being content isn't hard. Even when I was at my poorest poor I was still content. I had peace. My ex-husband was never content. He up-housed us/me so many times I never got to keep anything I bought for myself like a mixing bowl and a drawing table for more than a year. And while I never considered myself a "roots down" kind of gal, at 56 I'm ready to settle down now. I want a simple uncomplicated life filled with happiness for however many years I have left. That is thee biggest difference between men and women over 50, women want simple, easy, happy and uncomplicated, and men still want that dream he had when he was seventeen years old. Even at 70 years of age, men still want to be rockstars with fans and horny groupies regardless of the fact he's been an electrician for all of his adult life. By 70 years of age if you're not content with life, than what do you really have?
Single men over 60 years of age who are depressed are so because they don't know how to mentally and emotionally catch up to all of a sudden being 60 years of age. They were seventeen year old "rockstars" in their minds up until they were 59 years old and now that they're 60, the big 6 0, they suddenly became aware that their seventeen year old "rockstar" fantasy never came true, and now they're angry. Instead of adjusting into a healthy elder phase of life, they just become an angry old menace. Hard pass.
Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to hear a 70 year old man talk about his erections. I just want a man who is simple, content, stable, and wants to enjoy his elder years with another simple, stable, content elder person. Mourn that "rockstar" fantasy and move on. Men who still have hook up mentality after 50 years of age are gross. Full stop. No really, just stop.
I think by tomorrow I should have enough mental energy to visit my dad and Rick's graves. If you read my old blog then you know Rick was my childhood friend who died in his late 40's from an inoperable brain tumor. They were both catholic and attended the same neighborhood Catholic church. I'm deciding still how much I want to donate to the church. I guess we'll see after I check out the condition of their resting places.
So yeah, a heavier emotional week than usual to start. On top of that, killings upon killings upon killings in our country. NOW would be a great time for Governor Gavin Newsom to show some national leadership skills. I don't know who his speech writers are but my guy, get them all in front of their computers now. Surely they can hammer out at least a paragraph or two between them for you to use to move hearts and votes in a more unified sensible direction subduing all this madness. These days my brain is utter mashed potatoes. I knit to calm my nerves from all this family drama. Even after it ends I still need a week or so to just chill. Yesterday, my idiot brother took a good six months off my life I do not doubt.
Nonetheless, in all the chaos we must remember:
If the anger of the ruler rises against you, do not leave your place, for calmness will lay great offenses to rest.
--Modern, Ecclesiastes 10:4
Amen. God bless us all.
